托福作文批改|22分：运用不够灵活

　　要拿高分，得具备很多条件，较大的词汇量，扎实的语法，清晰的逻辑思维，丰富的观点见解，另外至少还有亦师亦友的托福作文批改小助手。课窝网今天带来一篇托福作文批改，希望各位能从他人错误中获取教训，从他人成功处获取经验。

　　作文题目：

　　Do you agree or  disagree with the following statement? The advice from the grandparents is of  no use to their grandchildren because the world has changed a lot over the  past 50 years.

　　作文内容：

　　As an old saying goes,  ‘Truth never grows old’, the amount of things develop obeying some invisible  rules. Even if there are plenty of changes during the past 50 years, we can  still find some similarities about the society in distinctive periods. Is it  true that the suggestion from ourparents[b1]is not useful at all?  From my point of view, the answer is no.

　　Some experience of  communication from our grandparents isalsomake[b2]sense today. In the  actual communicating, people in the same civilization may master the same  rules. Even though our society has made a great progress during the past  fifty years, our culture rootshasn’t[b3] changed a lot. It isdefinitely [b4]that when our  grandparents didn’t retire at home, theypossess[b5]a number of skills  about how to contact with other colleagues.Those[b6]experience must be  useful in our contacting with othersmore or less. If we have  someconfusion[b7]s about how  to make our leaders satisfied, perhaps our grandparents will provide us with  some meaningful suggestions at times. In this case, our neglecting on parents’  teaching will make mistakesthat we can’t affordthe consequence[b8].

　　On the other hand,  grandparents must have known some philosophy theories. Philosophy is a  subject that gives people intelligence. Truth alwaysapply[b9] to the society no  matter how it has changed. After seeing many historic events, our  grandparents have learnt the philosophy of life, the truth that will direct  us. For instance, when I failed in the entrance examination of my ideal  middle school, I was so frustrated that Idon’t[b10]want to study any more. My grandfather gave  me some advice and lit up my life. He told me that such a little setbackwill[b11] not decide my life direction. Adolescents  shouldn’t give up just owing to a failure. From his  view, I learn a lesson: whatever we met in our lifetime, we should be  optimistic about the future. Therefore truth never grows old.

　　Nevertheless our  grandparents don’t have the capability to keep pace with the improvementof  society, we can adopt some part of their advice. There is no  denying that some of the grandparents’ advices are out of  date. We can avoid their disadvantages and get the essential sections.  The grandchildren may make full use of the essence of their grandparents’  instructions.

　　To conclude, grandparents’  suggestions will give a variety of lessons to tell us how to keep touch well  with others as well as how to come over difficulties. We adolescents are able  to obtain the principal part of their advice.

　　[b1]这里应该是grandparents

　　[b2]makes，另外句中出现了两个动词，所以is去掉

　　[b3]haven’t 主语是复数

　　[b4]用形容词形式 definite

　　[b5]possessed

　　[b6]用This，experience在这里指的应该是经验，不可数

　　[b7]confusion是不可数名词

　　[b8]后面半句有些中式表达，句子结构不正确

　　[b9]applies

　　[b10]didn’t

　　[b11]would

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　文章最大的问题就是句式词汇不是很出彩，可以看一些优秀范文积累一些高分句式和词汇，多练习，达到灵活运用。

　　附批改原图：

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