雅思作文批改7分:整体非常棒,注意保持加分点

2018-06-11 15:55 1797683次浏览
分享至:


  相较于听力和阅读,考生们总是对口语和写作这种“输出类”的考核更为头疼和担心。所以,要在雅思写作上高人一分,除了要勤练笔头之外,还需要清楚自己的问题弱点,知己知彼才能百战百胜嘛。

雅思作文批改7分:整体非常棒,注意保持加分点!

  作文题目:

  Today, the qualities of  life of people in big cities are worse. What are the causes of this problem?  Any measures should be take to solve it?

  作文内容:

  Urbanization is anevitable [A1]trend during the process of a nation's development. It  not only offers us more job opportunities and convenience due to high  technology, but also some serious and tricky issues which may compromise the  qualities of life.

  There are a wide range of causes which  account for such phenomenon[A2]In the first place, because a huge amount of immigrants  have moved to big cities in order to make living, public facilities shoulder  more burden right now. To be more concrete, shopping malls, parks and even  gyms are all huddled with people with the increase of population. Thus it is  understandable that dwellers' living standard declines. Another challenging  issue is pollution. Factories can makeprofit [A3]by locating some places around big cities, because  there are sufficient talents and financial aid. Activities in some factories  can cause air pollution and water pollution which undermine citizen's health  seriously. More than that, I reckon that the fast pace of life is another  contributing factor of the declining living qualities.

  Considering all-above factors, government  is supposed to take action to tackle with this situation. To begin with, it's  advisable for government to enlarge its budget and pay more money on  constructing and maintaining public facilities. Additionally, the cause of  pollution must be the lack of sufficient supervision and management. Thus  it's urgent for them to carry out laws about this issue.

  As for individuals, there is still a collection of thing that we can do to improve our living standard such aschoosing public transportation rather than private cars and saving resources [A4]as much as possible. I believe that with the efforts from both sides ,we can enjoy better life.

  【A1】inevitable

  【A2】句号

  【A3】profits

  【A4】这两个都是和pollution更相关的,做到这些就能提升生活质量么?切记本文的主题是生活质量不是环境问题

  各项细评:

  针对问题最大的一点指出问题:

  最后一段写个人时候也可以加上从fast pace of life 这个原因切入的解决方案,比如适当放松之类的会更好。

  整体来说这篇作文写的比较好,从任务完成情况、结构和论点论述上都很不错,加分点要继续保持,批注部分注意一下就可以了。

  附批改原图:

  以上就是小编为大家分享的托福考试作文范文。更多雅思培训、雅思考试真题下载等问题,可以咨询我们。

  

a19.png


猜你喜欢

1 / 3
获取专属留学方案
选择教育程度
  • 小学
  • 初中
  • 高中
  • 大学
图片验证码
提交