托福作文批改24分：人类与地球的和谐关系

　　要拿高分，得具备很多条件，较大的词汇量，扎实的语法，清晰的逻辑思维，丰富的观点见解。课窝网今天带来一篇托福作文批改，题目是关于讨论人类对地球造成破坏还是带来好的生存环境，希望各位能从他人错误中获取教训，从他人成功处获取经验。

　　托福作文题目:

　　Some people  believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others  feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your  opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

　　托福作文内容:

　　Human activity is  causing the world to change at a rapid pace these days. I am of the opinion  thathumanity[b1] has had amostly [b2]negative effect on the  planet. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the  following essay.

　　To begin with, industrial  development hascaused[b3] major air pollution,  which has a terrible effect on human health. Every week I hear news reports  about how horrible air quality is in major cities all over the world. At the  same time, we often hear that chronic lung diseases are on the rise and that  there is connection between these two trends. I am reminded of the years I  spent living in Beijing, China. After having spent most of my life living in  the Canadian countryside where the air is mostly clean, I immediately noticed  the smog and pollution of big city China. Within months I was suffering from  a variety of respiratory illnesses and had difficulty[b4]breathing. I spent  quite a few afternoons at a local hospital being treated for various throat  and lung infections. A majority of the population of the Earth now resides in  cities and all such people are suffering from the consequences of industrial  development.

　　Secondly, human  development has lead to a massive accumulation of trash, which spoils the  natural beauty of this planet. While in the past products were often made of  biodegradable materials like paper and wood, today most manufactured goods  are made of plastic, which never breaks down. Such materials eventually find  their way into permanent landfills, but just as often end up as litter.When[b5] I traveled to the  island of Borneo last summer I was struck by the beauty of the place, but I  also noticed that the natural environment was marred by an accumulation of  plastic bags and water bottles that were strewn everywhere, even in otherwise  pristine forests and rivers. Had I visited the island a century ago, I would  not have found it tainted in such a way.

　　In conclusion, I strongly believe that human activity has made the planet a less pleasant place to live. This is because people are more likely to suffer from the effects of pollution than in the past, and because human waste has destroyed the natural beauty of our world.

　　[b1]humanity[b1]的意思是人道，人性，用在这里不合适，还是用human activity

　　[b2]mostly在这里不合适，改为extremely

　　[b3]这里可以换个词，不然重复率太高，可以用brought about，given rise to

　　[b4]缺少介词 in

　　[b5]前面缺少逻辑连词，加一个 For instance,

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　文章最大的问题就是句式的多样性没有达到，可以多使用一些特殊句式，比如强调句、倒装句等等。

　　附加批改原图：

　　以上就是小编为大家带来的托福作文批改，更多托福真题下载、2018年托福词汇量等问题，可以咨询我们。