托福作文批改20分:认证的内容不够丰富

2018-09-08 16:07 1696597次浏览
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  一般托福写作评分从以下几个维度进行:是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展(分论点)、语法(词汇、句式、连贯)、论述新颖。今天课窝网继续分享范文,大家可以以话题自行参考。

  作文内容:TPO34 综合写作

  The reading passage  and the lecture all talk about the issue of the reasons that causes the  extinction of a huge marine mammal called Steller's sea cow. The author of  reading passage gives three reasons to explain this phenomenon. However, the  lecture proposes three counterpoints to oppose these three reasons in reading  respectively.

  Firstly, although the  reading passage says the overhunting  derived from increasing of native people is the reason,  the lectureoppose[b1] that the increasing  of local peopledo[b2] not reach the extentso as to[b3] eat a lot of  Steller's sea cowsand causes the  extinction of this marine mammal.(阅读文章中并没有提到过度捕猎是因为人口增长造成的,而是由于恶劣的环境,所以上面的表述是不对的)

  Secondly, despite the  statement in the reading that since the ecosystems disturbancesresult[b4] in the decrease of  kelp, the food of Steller's sea cow, the population of this marine mammal  declined, the professor contends that if this reason is reasonable, there  must be the decreasing of other marine animals. However, the whale, for  example, doesdidn’tnotdeclined[b5]. Apparently, the  lecture casts doubt on the reading.

  Finally, the professor  asserts that the population of the Steller's sea cow already declined before  the arrival of European fur traders, whereas the author of the reading claims  that it is the fur trades armed with weapons thatkil[b6]led a large number of  this certain animals. Obviously, the professor disproves the third reason in  the reading.(这里只是阐述文章和讲座的观点是不同的,但是没有具体的内容去支撑,内容上有些薄弱)

  [b1]opposes

  [b2]doesn’t

  [b3]这里改为that they could that从句做extend的同位语从句

  [b4]resulted

  [b5]用原形 decline

  [b6]it is that 这是一个强调句

  针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议:

  文章最大的问题就是在论述的过程中,只是指出了两个相反的观点,具体支撑各自观点的论证内容较少,在写作的时候要把这些内容补上去。

  附批改原图:

1536394021996146.jpg

  以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于托福写作作文批改范文。更多南京托福考试、托福听力下载等问题,可以咨询我们。

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