雅思作文批改5分：这些错误点大家都犯了吗

　　今天，课窝网继续为大家分享雅思作文批改，在往期的推送中每一篇都有不同的错误，而且错误的点都不一样，这些常规问题也伴随着大家的，所以可以好好看看是不是有自己的影子？

　　作文题目：

　　作文内容：

　　The graphs are about the figure of Japanesetourist[b1]whotravel[b2] abroad and the percentage of Japanese tourist market share in Australia between 1985 and 1995.

　　By increasing from 5(millions) to 11(millions), the quantity of Japanese travelers had experienced a significant growth over the period 1985 to 1990. However, a smooth drop by about 0.5(million) could be found in that of people travelling abroad during 1990 to 1991, after which, the following years witnessed a steady rise in the number of Japanese visitors to abroad whichreach[b3] the peak at 15(millions) in 1995.

　　The overall trend of the percentage of Japanese tourist market share in Australia had a considerable rise in 1985-1995, with a slight fall in 1989-1990 and1995[b4]-1995. The percentage of Japanese visitors travelling to Australia stayed in the top position,which was[b5]approximately[b6] 6% in 1994. The next one was that in 1995 which was 6%,onlya little less than the first one. The proportion of Japanese travelers travelling to Australia in 1985 ranked the last, which was about2[b7]times less than that in 1995.

　　It is worth noting that there are striking similarities in the figure of Japanese tourists who traveled abroad and the percentage of Japanese tourist market share in Australia between 1985 and 1995.[b8] (210 words)

　　[b1]用复数tourists

　　[b2]用过去时 traveled

　　[b3]用过去时 reached

　　[b4]1994

　　[b5]可以去掉,有些啰嗦

　　[b6]more than

　　[b7]3

　　[b8]其实这句话有些多余

　　老师点评：

　　1. 基本描述了图表内容也做了对比,但是注意描述的准确性,不要出错

　　2. 注意时态以及表达的流畅性,有些句子总是使用定语从句,有些生硬

　　得分:5

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