雅思作文批改5分:句子词汇可以,语言逻辑带提高

2018-09-13 11:48 1685181次浏览
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  要在雅思写作上高人一分,除了要勤练笔头之外,还需要清楚自己的问题弱点,知己知彼才能百战百胜嘛。今天课窝网继续为大家分享最新的雅思作文批改,一起进步吧。

雅思作文批改5分:句子词汇可以,语言逻辑带提高

  作文内容:

  The flow chart is about how electricity is produced by using water and what facilities are used.

  After being burnt under the sun, the water in the sea is dried andevaporated to the cloud in the sky. Once enough water is collected in the cloud,it will fall to reservoir through rain where is surrounded by dam.[b1] The water won’t be relieved till the valve is opened. When the water flows to the turbine,where[b2] two steps should be done,. One is thatapart ofwater is delivered back to the reservoir through pump in order to use repeatedly and the other is thatthe waterelectricityis sent to high-rise voltage tower by high voltage cables. Then, electricity is transported to the transformer station using those cables, after which, it is transferred to places where people has a demand for it such as hospitals or schools through underground cables.

  The whole process has about six steps, starting from evaporating under the sun and ending at transferring through underground cables. (161 words)

  [b1]这句话应该表达的是水蒸气形成雨降落; the water vapor could turn to rain and then fall to reservoir which is surrounded by dam

  [b2]there are

  老师点评:

  1. 基本描述整个过程,但是中间有部分的描述不太准确

  2. 句子和语言使用还可以,有待提高。

  得分:5

  以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于雅思作文批改范文。更多雅思成绩查询、雅思培训机构有哪些等问题,可以咨询我们。

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