雅思作文批改|5.5分：观点论述不够严谨

　　雅思考试是为那些打算在以英语作为交流语言的国家或地区学习或工作的人们设置的英语语言水平考试，雅思考试内容是由听力、阅读、写作和口语共四部分。后面小编会陆续更新关于雅思作文批改的文章，在备考雅思时帮助大家不断修改中进步。

　　作文题目：

　　Write about the following topic：

　　Increasing  the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution  problems.

　　To what  extent do you agree or disagree?

　　What other  measures do you think might be effective?

　　Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples  from your own knowledge or experience.Write at least 250 words.

　　作文内容：

　　As far as I am concerned, torise [b1]the petrol price do have some positive influence on  traffic jams and the air pollution issue. However, if can’t be the best solution.

　　On the one hand, as the petrol price going up, the demand  and consumption of petrol will decrease and people would choose other public  transportations to work and thusless cars on roads and less pollution made[b2]. It does work to a limited extend. For you can’t always  boost the petrol price, there has to be a limit. And on which certain  circumstance that this solution would work is that the car owners are  cost-oriented. In other words, when the small group who cares a lot about the  price have all turned to other public transportations, there are still some  rich men who don’t care, thus the problem still exist. Therefore, to make the  cost higher todrive  [b3]is one of the solutions that have not touched the essence  of this problem, and that’s why if can’t be the best way.

　　If you think deeper into the inner side of this issue, you will find out that the reason why the traffic jam always so terrible is that the traffic system is not designed reasonably.In some crossroads, the signal lights are too long while others are too short.[b4] Some roads should have been singe direction and the road network is not the optimal choice. Socomes [b5]the heavy traffic. If the traffic system is still the current situation, then no matter how few cars are on the roads, there will still appear some traffic problems. So does the air pollution issue. The core contributor ofit’s [b6]the energy structure. China is too dependent on the fossil fuels which cause too much pollution. What we are supposed to do to resist the current pollution is to improve our energy consuming structure, such as develop and use more solar wind and nuclear energy whichis[b7] environment friendly, and encourage the production and consumption of electronic cars, They are all better ideas than simply put a much more heavy burden on the shoulders of consumers. And we can benefit more from them in the future.

　　[b1]raise

　　[b2]句式表达有误，参考：and thus contributing to fewer cars and less pollution

　　[b3]drives/ the drive [b3]

　　[b4]这里的观点很容易让人反驳，城市道路的设计，红绿灯时间的长短一定是根据路口的交通量决定的，不可能都是一致的，注意自己观点的尽量要严谨一些

　　[b5]here comes [b5]

　　[b6]it is 这里建议缩写，it是指代air pollution issue，is是谓语动词

　　[b7]are, 注意前面的名词是solar wind and nuclear energy

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　作文中特别重要的一点是观点的论述，这点上一定要尽量让自己的论述严谨性强，这样才能具有说服性，太过主观臆断的说法是难以让人达成共识的。

　　附批改原图：

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