雅思作文批改|5-5.5分：没有完成题目问题，思路需拓展

　　雅思考试是为那些打算在以英语作为交流语言的国家或地区学习或工作的人们设置的英语语言水平考试，雅思考试内容是由听力、阅读、写作和口语共四部分。后面小编会陆续更新关于雅思作文批改的文章，在备考雅思时帮助大家不断修改中进步。

　　作文题目：

　　Economic progress is one way to measure the success of  one country, while some people think there are other factors.What other  factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is  more important than the others?[b1]

　　作文内容：

　　It is universally acknowledged that economic progress is  of vital importance to a country and its citizens. Whentaking [b2]about successful countries, the US as well as other  developed countries come into people’s mind. There are many factors can explain  their success and social scientists even came up with a complicated index.  People with different backgrounds have different opinions on it.

　　Someone claims that the economic progress should be on  the primary position. Economic progress usually ismeasure [b3]by the total value of the gross domestic product in one  area and it determines the productivity consumption ability and social wealth  of one country. According to the utility function from the economic theory,  the more products consumed, the happier the individual tendsto[b4] beusually[b5]. For example, the clear water and enough food is not  accessible to the majority of people in extremely poor countries and they  rely on the international aidscome [b6]from developed countries and other international  charities while the middle class peoplewhich [b7]take the main part of citizens in the developed  countries can easily afford decent life. The working time of two kinds of  people may be similar but the people of rich countries can definitely produce  more and get paid generously.

　　Others may maintain that wealthnot always brings[b8] benefits and sometimes it will even become burden. In  fact, the richest person is not the happiest person andhappy [b9]is an emotion which does not cost a lot. People should  chase for the optimistic attitude and spiritual life instead of being  addicted in materialism.

　　In my opinion, it is undeniable that the economic  progress is the most important one. Successful countries shouldprovide its  citizens[b10]. Economic progress  is the stone of a successful country definitely and the government can  provide other social serviceslike [b11]education and medical aid with the enough budgets.

　　[b1]第一个问题是哪些其他原因应该考虑到，第二个问题是你觉得有没有什么原因最重要。文章应该是第一段说有些人认为经济进步，但还有其他因素要考虑，接下来第二段是admittedly, the economic basis is the foundation of …，论述经济的重要性，然后第三段是该考虑的因素一，第四段是因素二，最后一段总结，表明立场

　　[b2]talking

　　[b3]被动，be measured by

　　[b4]very good

　　[b5]放句首会更好

　　[b6]用非谓语coming

　　[b7]who

　　[b8]和上篇一样的问题，doesn’t always bring

　　[b9]happiness

　　[b10]provide sb. sth. 少东西

　　[b11]书面语用such as

　　针对问题最大的一点指出问题：

　　还是没有完成题目问题，具体见批注。写作的思路需要拓展。

　　总体来说比上一次的作文在组织结构和语法上有了进步，论点和逻辑也有改善，不过还存在一些问题。平时在写作中可以有目的的练习。

　　附批改原图：

　　　以上就是小编为大家带来的一篇雅思写作批改文章。想了解更多2018年雅思考试内容、雅思考试注意事项等问题，欢迎咨询我们。