托福作文批改26分：整体不错，但内容不够充实

　　要拿高分，得具备很多条件，较大的词汇量，扎实的语法，清晰的逻辑思维，丰富的观点见解，另外至少还有亦师亦友的人帮你批改托福作文。课窝网今天带来一篇托福作文批改，希望各位能从他人错误中获取教训，从他人成功处获取经验。

　　作文题目：

　　作文内容：

　　Never can one live or work  as a loner in nowadays' society. In our career, we carry out tasks subjective  to our leaders and this is where the controversy arises. Some claim that  making sure that people such as your manager or your supervisor know your  strengths and accomplishments contributes to your success. Others , however,  hold the opposite opinion that doing such thing undermines your job prospects  because managers and supervisors may consider you as a creep/sycophant. From my perspective, the former one is more favorable.

　　1creep查了英语词典和英汉词典，都主要是爬行攀附的意思，基本上没看到谄媚者的意思。下次汉译英查过来后，再进行英译汉查查，保证英汉都能查到。因为有时候有道词典不太准确，以权威词典为主。

　　First of all, only when the  managers and supervisors know your advantages well, can they correctly define  your value and pay you well. As we all know, people never  pay what you are worth; they only pay what they think you are worth and it is  you whocontrol/influence their thinking/their impression on you. For this  reason, if you are too modest, chances are that you will be underpriced by  your managers and supervisors. Take my cousin as an example. She works in a  successful/an establishedweb design company.  When she first was employed/recruitedby the firm and for theseveral years thereafter, she would say ' I know a little about  that ' whenever others asked her whether she knew about something or not.  Just in this way, she was diminishing herself in the eyes of her manager.  Consequently , she got no promotion and lived on/struggled with her poor salary.However, things start to change/make  a differenceafter she becomes more self-confident/build  up confidenceand is more inclined to communicate her value to  her leader/present what she  excels at in front of her leader. We can learn from her story  that by comparison, people who have preference to communicateher or his strengths to the leader have more  oddsto succeed of success/career  growth/advancement/academic progress/salary rise.

　　Odds: odds of一般这样搭配。

　　Control至少不能说控制，可以说影响，帮助决定

　　Secondly, people who expose/demosntrate their strengths/talentsand accomplishments to the  public assist managers and supervisors to lead/guide/conduct the team in an efficient way. Imagine a situation where everybody offers to  talk about their strengths/advantages/superiorityand  accomplishments, then the leader is capable to assign the right task to the  right person who is proficient in that/specific field.  As a result, the leader's time is saved from being entangled in how to  allocate tasks. What is more, every one is assigned to the area they are  familiar with, which results in efficiency increase/boostandprofit riseof the entire team.  There is no doubt that managers will show penchant for such person. Hence, he  or she is more likely to blossom inone’stheir career主语和形容词的单复数对应或保持一致.

　　Admittedly,  it is improper to brag about your achievements and advantages by design.  Nonetheless, the best wine is also afraid of deep alley.Nobody likes a  show-off, so you must be careful not to rub people the wrong way with your  success. People always say that actions speak louder than words, which is  good advice to keep in mind when you are trying to let other people know of  your success. Don't just tell people you're good atmaking  presentations. Start aspeechand show people howconvincedof  aspeakeryou are.As long as you learn to communicate your valueapproximately/ appropriately, you can  still be a righteous person.

　　In conclusion, assuring  that your managers and supervisors know your strengths and accomplishments  not only helps you find your own voice but also booststhe  whole team's productivity and profitability. Taking all into account, I  insist on my opinion.

　　写了460多个字，很棒哈。

　　已经比之前进步很多了，第三个主体段就是让步段，可以稍稍加一下弥补如何不炫耀的方式，比如语言加行动展示等等。

　　各项细评：

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　第三个主体段 让步段稍微缺失些弥补的方式，内容不够充实。

　　给出解决方案：

　　其实稍微多加一两句就好，因为怕到时候时间不够充足。

　　还有例子方面，第二个主体段的例子可以在细化为哪类公司，有哪些职责，这样也许会深刻些。

　　听说你托福总分不是很高， 写作分数28分已经很高了，写作继续保持就好，还是多分析范文，好词好句，多积累。

　　因为我也不知道你具体哪些环节比较弱，所以就目前你快考试的情形，稍微给你说说一些建议:

　　托福阅读方面，可以先限时间练习，然后把里面的生词找出来背诵，长句理解，段落结构和大意分析，也就是像我们小时候一样学习语文课文，把框架理清楚（句内逻辑，段内逻辑，段落之间逻辑），这样有助于做推断题  句子简化题和文章小结题。

　　听力方面，可以先做题，不核对答案，然后听写，一遍反应中文，一遍反应中文，看看自己能听出来多少，听完三到四遍，有些内容实在听不出来，  再看看文本，把里面听不出来的音或单词 和一些信号词标出来（信号词 就是连词 、表明态度的词等等， 音或单词指的是吞音 弱读 强化 或者你不认识的单词或者你听不出来的单词）。最后你在不看文本的情况下 再去盲听，看看最后听懂多少， 再去看看自己写的答案正确与否。

　　口语 其实与写作是一样的， 都是靠限时间练习，口语每天 少则3道题， 多则6道题， 可以第1,3,5 题这么练习，或者第2,4,6题这么练习，综合口语和独立口语结合起来，限时间录音后，听一听自己的录音，对比答案，看看在语音语调方面、语速方面、思路展开方面、句式词组单词方面有什么问题。

　　仅仅是我个人对你的建议，你觉得有用的话就试试看看，要是没什么特别大的作用可以不这么做的，不需要有心理压力哈。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上就是小编带来的托福考试作文批改，更多托福阅读时间、托福听力技巧等问题，可以咨询我们。