UKiset创意写作范文分享（十六）： 手机与生活

　　今天继续为大家送上UKiset作文范文。在阅读时，建议大家也用小编推荐的话题自我测评，再学习练习才能有所收获。

　　作文题目：手机与生活

　　【写作提纲】

　　1.解释深层的意义：过度的使用手机会带来一些严重的后果。

　　2.第二段从两个方面具体阐明终过度使用手机带来的后果：1）会影响我们的身体健康；2）会淡化家庭关系。

　　3.第三段首尾呼应，再次表明过度使用手机会伤害我们的身体健康和损害家庭关系。

　　① As is symbolically illustrated in the picture, people keep looking at their mobile phones even while crossing the road, so they have to use walking sticks in order to see. ② The picture ironically conveys the message that people in modern society cannot live without the cell phone. This essay will discuss some possible consequences of its overuse.

　　The negative impacts of spending too much time on mobile phones are obvious. One major disadvantage is that this behaviour would result in a range of health problems. ③ Addicted to staring at bright screens for extended periods of time, people may suffer from poor eyesight, not to mention pain in the neck and back, especially from poor physical posture. What is worse, it would lead to weakened family ties. Nowadays, our leisure time is mostly occupied by using mobiles, which diverts us from enjoying chats with our family members. Gradually, the importance of family relations is fading from our minds.

　　In summary, ④ it is undeniable that the overuse of mobile phones is damaging to our physical health and to our family relationship as well.

　　第一段： ①“As is symbolically illustrated in the picture, people keep looking at their mobile phones even while crossing the road, so they have to use walking sticks in order to see.” 意思是“如图象征性所示，人们一直玩着他们的手机，甚至是在过马路的时候，所以他们需要拄着拐杖才能看见路”，来简单描述图片的内容，其中“As is symbolically illustrated in the picture”，引导的是方式状语从句。②“The picture ironically conveys the message that people in modern society cannot live without the cell phone.”，意思是“这个图片讽刺性地传达了一个这样的信息：现代社会的人们离不开手机”，来揭示图片的深层意义，其中，“The picture ironically conveys the message that ”，“that”引导的是一个同位语从句，说明“message”的具体内容。

　　第二段：首句为本段的主旨句，并从两个方面具体讨论过度使用手机的消极后果。其中③“Addicted to staring at bright screens for extended periods of time, people may suffer from poor eyesight, not to mention pain in the neck and back, especially from poor physical posture.”意思是“沉迷于长时间盯着明亮的屏幕，人们可能会因为视力不好而遭受痛苦，更不用说脖子和背部的疼痛了，尤其是身体姿势不好的时候”，“Addicted to staring at bright screens”为非谓语动词作为原因状语，“not to mention”表示“更不用说”。

　　第三段：进行总结。④“it is undeniable that the overuse of mobile phones is damaging to our physical health and to our family relationship as well.”，意思是“不可否认的是，过度使用手机会损害我们的身体健康和家庭关系”。其中，“it is + adj + that...” 是写作中比较万能的句型，表示“...是怎么样的”。

　　由此可知，此篇作文的结构清晰完整，符合作文评分标准中关于“结构”的一项；其次，语言准确多样，无语法错误，这也是UKiset作文评分标准中对高分作文语言方面的要求。总之，“结构”和“语言”是我们在四级写作中需要重点关注的。

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