托福作文批改|打牢语法基础，不过分追求难句

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　　作文题目：

　　Do you agree or disagree  with the following statement: All university students should

　　take basic science courses  regardless of their fields of study.

　　作文内容：

　　With modern financial and  social development, studenttend[b1] to attend the fields  which can offer them a considerable income. Consequently, some basic science  coursesserve[b2] for traditional science  and engineer disciplines are gradually ignored bythe[b3] students unless they  major in the related fields. This phenomenon is seemly dominant on campus all  around the world. However,I contend that taking basic science courses regardless of the  fields of study is always much wiser for the following reasons[b4].

　　(段与段之间需要空出一行或者开头缩进，英文作文的正常书写规范可以空出一行)

　　Above most things[b5], taking basic science  courses will certainly help to cultivate a more logical thinking which is  beneficial to all the people no matter what field they major in. Logical thinking is not only the symbol of  science and engineering, but also an important key to solve many problems in  other fields. For instance, the simple harmonic oscillation learnt form thephysic  courses [b6]will help people to form  a logic of consideringthe[b7]things symmetrically.  And this logic is veryuseful[b8]for economist to  forecast the tendency of the stock market,like when will the shares bound back  upwards and so on[j9]. Since the logical  thinking learnt form the science courses is so vital, we should eliminate the  cliche that science courses[j10] are useless to students who are not major in them.

　　Further more, by attending  these science courses, students can make friends with those who are in the  different fields, and thus enlarge [b11]their social networks. It  can be very dangerous for one to limit his social activities in only one  circle. Peopleneeds[b12]friends from different disciplines to share some fresh ideas with  them, or they will gradually become a routinist.Einstein did not only have friends who  are physicists but also made a lot of friends with who are musicians, artists  and etc. [b13]The  talking with these ‘anti-physic’ friends[b14], he got a numerous inspirations which ultimately contributed to  his success on Theory of Relativity.No wonder  why it is said that[b15]’ one’s network determine how far he can go.’

　　本段的时态问题要保持一致！

　　However, though taking  science courses hasa[b16]so many benefits, studentsshould[b17]still give the first priority to their own majors since their  major is what they will rely on inthe[b18]future. Students who major  in other disciplines should not inverse the importance of their own courses  and the science courses.

　　All in all[b19], taking the science courses is beneficial to students in all  fields, however it should base on the premise ofgiving the first priority to[b20] their own majors.

　　[b1]主语是第三人称单数,所以应该是tends

　　[b2]一句话里面应该只有一个谓语动词，本句在表达的过程中的谓语应该是被忽视are ignored，所以serve for不能用原型，应改为serving for动名词做修饰，修饰前面的courses.

　　[b3]不是特指，可以去掉the

　　[b4]英语在表达的时候要避免头重脚轻的现象，参考答案：regardless of the fields of study , I contend that taking basic science courses is much wiser for the following reasons[b4].

　　[b5]分论点框架中首先的表达方式有：Firstly、First of all、In the first place 等等。

　　[b6]前面的句意来看，应该是物理学，physics:物理学；physic：n.医学、药品，v.治愈.所以应改为physics courses.

　　[b7]去掉the

　　[b8]可以替换available:

　　[j9]表达可以替换一下，参考：like the rise and fall of the shares and son on.

　　[j10]这里是that引导的定语从句修饰先行词cliche，that在从句中做主语的成分，所以应该把science courses 去掉。

　　[b11]用法正确，可以换成非谓语动词做修饰的形式：，thus enlarging.

　　[b12]People在这里用作复数，所以needs 应改成need。

　　[b13]前后的时态不一致，not only……but also 前后的时态应该保持一致，文中出现了have 和made.

　　[b14]可以用一个because of 进行连接，参考答案：To some extent, because of those ……friends. anti-physic想表达什么意思？

　　[b15]表达有点中式，参考答案：Consequently, there is no doubt that……

　　[b16]去掉a

　　[b17]应该做某事还可以表示为：be really supposed to do sth,所以可以改为are really supposed to give the first……

　　[b18]可以去掉the

　　[b19]总之可以表示为in conclusion , in short 等等。

　　[b20]和前面的重复了，可以换成是pay attention to ;take sth into account/consideration等等。

　　各项细评：

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　这篇作文中比较明显的一个问题是语言表达上，存在句式混乱的问题，建议还是要将基础语法打牢，尽量使用自己把握准确的句型和词汇，不要一味追求难句，如果用错也得不偿失。此外，建议平时多阅读多积累。

　　给出解决方案：

　　对于语言表达或者句子结构不太清楚的地方可以看一下语法书，专门看一下英语的几大句式，或者背诵几个句型加深对语法的应用，考试的时候也可以套用。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上就是小编带来的托福考试作文批改，更多托福阅读时间、托福听力技巧等问题，可以咨询我们。