雅思作文批改7分：多注意小细节会更出彩

　　相较于听力和阅读，考生们总是对口语和写作这种“输出类”的考核更为头疼和担心。所以，要在雅思写作上高人一分，除了要勤练笔头之外，还需要清楚自己的问题弱点，知己知彼才能百战百胜嘛。一般雅思评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。

　　作文题目:

　　Towns and cities are  attractive places. Some people suggest that the government should spend money  putting in more works of art like paintings and statues to make them better  to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　作文内容：

　　The downtowns and city  centers which are decorated with paintings and statues become the attractive  view spots m[b1]eanwhile these places  are also suitable places for citizens to have entertainment.Someone  claims[b2]that government should finance  the places more to encourage people to get close to the art.  Personally, I do not agree with this thought.

　　The supporters of art  promotion hold the opinion that art works as well as artistic spirits can improve  the individuals’ quality of daily life so the government should use part of  the tax gathered from the tax payers to construct more statues and paints. In  addition, many artistic workers can get paid through this government plan and  they can stop worrying aboutjobless [b3]so they can focus on the  creation. At last, the local culture and historic meaningsbehinds [b4]the art works will be  the best heritage which we leave for the future generations.

　　Others maintain that the  merits pale into insignificance when compared with the demerits.More[b5]money spent on the  artistic area, the less money will be left for otherfoundational [b6]social services. It is  unfair and inefficient for a society to chase for spiritual treasure using  federal funds. In fact, the love for art should be personal hobby and the  individual should pay for it personally.

　　In conclusion, I think the government  should make use of its funds wisely andthe money should make[b7]highest cost  performance. Art area compared with other social services should never be  given priority. Furthermore, citizens can never appreciate art works if their foundation  [b8]needs are not satisfied.

　　[b1]另起一句，Meanwhile,

　　[b2]someone是一个人，建议用some people claim

　　[b3]joblessness

　　[b4]behind

　　[b5]The more

　　[b6]fundamental更好

　　[b7]money should be made被动语态，money不能做发出动作的主语，逻辑不符

　　[b8]fundamental

　　针对问题最大的一点指出问题：

　　总体来看文章逻辑合理，框架合理，比之前有很大进步，多注意小细节会更好。没有出现大的问题，很好。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上就是小编为大家带来的雅思作文批改范文。更多雅思口语技巧、雅思词汇量要求等问题，可以咨询我们。