托福作文批改20分：结构问题不大，可多看真题务实基础

　　相较于听力和阅读，考生们总是对口语和写作这种“输出类”的考核更为头疼和担心。好文章不是写出来的，而是改出来的，所以，要在托福写作上高人一分，除了要勤练笔头之外，还需要清楚自己的问题弱点，知己知彼才能百战百胜嘛。一般托福写作评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。

　　作文题目:

　　Independent Writing TPO 34:

　　Do you agree or disagree  with the disagree with the following statement?

　　Educating children is a more difficult task today than it in the past because they spend so much time  on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site.

　　Use specific reasons and  exemples to support your answer.

　　作文内容：

　　Recent years, with the  development of technology, more and more high-tech products come into  people’s eyes. Those products are designed with various functions, which make  our live much more convenient and colorful. For example, people can use cell  phone and social networking website to communicate anywhere with any people.  And interesting online games give people much pleasure in their spare time.  However, in my point of view, those products make educating children these  days a more difficult task than in the past.

　　First of all, those new  products make teaching professional knowledges more difficult. Because  through the website, the youth are able to aquire abundant professional knowledges.  They don't merely study the limited knowledges in the textbook. Therefore, if  a teacher still focuses on teaching things in the  textbook, the students will be tired of his class and don't want to listen to  him anymore. Thus teachers  have to know more and prepare their lessons sufficiently /properlyharder.  For example, I major in accouting in the college. As we know, there are  always some changes in accouting standards and some news in accouting  industry. Through the website, students can know those information as soon as  possible. Therefore, if teachers still teach the old things in the textbook,  the students will soon find somethingthemwrong.  In that way, educating today has really become more difficult.

　　Secondly, it has become a  tough task for school teachers today to regulate students' behaviors. Due to  the presence of social networking website, the youth are able to get in touch  with different people, even people they don't know. In that way, they have  easy access to a variety of ideas, some of which may lead them to a wrong  way. For teachers, it is not easy to change the sudents who are greatly  influenced by ideas on the website. For instance, recently more adnand more news report(that)  teenagers commitinga crime under the guidance of  people they met on the website. Those people always talk to the young people  through website on purpose and control the mind of the innocent teenagers. By  being "friend" with the teenagers, they can easily make the teeangers  tocommit a crime for money.  What's more, spending time on the online games also make the teenagers  affected by some violent opinions. Obviously, it is a really difficult task  for teachers to teach such students right things and regulatechange  those students.

　　Finally, the new products  these days make it more difficult for teachers to answer students' questions.  As we know, through the website, we can easily get all kinds of informationknowledges and new ideas. And the  youth today may knowknormuch  more than the youth used to do. Thus they sometimes come up with some pretty  strange questions the teacher has never thought about before. Unless the  teachers make effort to looklookingfor  the answers after class,they can not answer the students.Take the professors  in my college foras anexample[b1], they tend to prepare  more than before in order to answer the students. However, they sometimes may  let the students wait for some days before answering them and they have  search the internet to find the right answer. As a result, we find that  educating students now is more difficult.

　　Above all, educating  children today is really a more difficult task because of childrens' spending  much time on cell phone,online games and social networking website. That's  because sudents today tend to study more knowledge outside school, tend to be  influenced more by ideas not so good on teh website and ask more questions  than the students in the past. So I also think that teachers now are requiredtoof  improved teaching skills and moreopen  theirmind in order to adapt to the more difficult education  industry.

　　[b1]拿……举例 take ……for example

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　最大的问题两点：一是思路不够开阔，二是语言不够精炼。

　　给出解决方案：

　　思路不够开阔，可以多看历年的真题或机经，总结答题的点，学习如何进行思路的展开；语言不够简练，主要还是基础没打牢哦，要从基础词汇语法开始，扎实巩固一翻了。

　　附批改原图：

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