雅思作文批改|6.5分：基础很扎实，有少许错误

　　相较于听力和阅读，考生们总是对口语和写作这种“输出类”的考核更为头疼和担心。除了要勤练笔头之外，还需要清楚自己的问题弱点，知己知彼才能百战百胜嘛。一般雅思评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。

　　作文题目：

　　Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion。

　　作文内容：

　　Nowadays, as the improvement of people’s awareness of sports, athletes have never failed to draw public attentions. Some people argue that it is reasonable for sports professionals to earn more money. A substantial amount of opponents, however, argue that this practice is pretty unfair. Both sides look pretty reasonable at the first glance, but it is unfair for us to draw the final conclusion before we make the close analysis

　　Admittedly, allowing athletes earn more money than other professionals in certain areas, to some extent, apparently violates the equality of occupation. For example, from the perspective of nations, teachers and policemen are more important than sports stars. It is teachers that shoulder the responsibility to educate the next generation. Similarly, without policemen, thieves are not afraid of being arrested any more. This situation will poses potential risks to our daily lives. To be more specific, importance of these professionals is more significant to not only our own lives but also the stability of the whole country whereas sports stars only bring glories to our country. Thus it is unfair for sports starts to earn more money.

　　However, despite the argument above sounds pretty reasonable, it is not to mean that this policy is justified to large extend. Athletes devote themselves fully to the training process, so it is necessary to reward their efforts with high salaries. It is a good way to motivate them to make more contributions and bring great glories to the nations. In addition to that, the athletic career is relatively short, especially for the one who have injured in the matches. High salaries guarantee them a good medical care and ensure that they can live a better life after they retire. Moreover, some sports stars are the positive models for young people tostudy[b1]and respect, which affect them in a positive way. For example, we admire and appreciate the Brazil’s football player Oscar’s diligence, devotion and easy-going personality. Thus, it is far more feasible for sports stars to earn more money.

　　Based on the discussion above, my understanding towards this issue would be that although other professionals are more important than sports stars, it is fair for sports stars to get higher salaries because they devote more to the country and face more challenges.

　　预计得分：6.5

　　整体点评：

　　1.文章结构内容都很完整，符合题目要求，分别用了两端核心内容进行双边讨论，最后提出自己的观点。

　　2. 论点逻辑思路也很清晰，事例列举符合论点。

　　3.语言方面，词汇和句法使用都比较准确，没有大的问题，可以看出基础是相当不错的。

　　[b1]这里使用Study有些不太恰当，可以改成learn from

　　附批改原图：

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