托福作文批改20分：学校应该多增加教学设施而非雇佣

　　相较于听力和阅读，考生们总是对口语和写作更为头疼和担心。一般托福写作评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。今天课窝网分享一个老题目范文：学校应该多增加教学设施而非雇佣名师话题。

　　托福作文题目:

　　Q: School should be focus on improving facilities for students than  on hiring famous teachers.

　　托福作文范文：

　　Many people consider that  it is of more advantages for school to focus on investing in more facilities.  Others, however, contradict it. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of  hiring famous teachers for school rather than improving facilities. The  reasons are as follows.

　　First of all,thoughit is pay to hire more famous teachers for schoolbecause,famous  teachers tend to encourage students' motivation of study,which is worthwhile.  Famous teachers usually know not only about their own major, but also some  knowledge of other subjects which can best motivate students longing to learn  more by themselves. For example, my sister Yilin used to hate physics when  she was in middle school. Her experienced teacher Miss Liu therefore  introduced her many interesting physical phenomena and advised her to watch  the Discovery Channel. Finally, my sister felt inspired to learn Physics.

　　这一段应该是要说明虽然聘请有名的老师要花高价钱，但是很值得……

　　Another reason why schools  should focus on hiring famous teachers is that famous teachers are usually  adroit atininstructing studentsinmany  aspects. A good case in point, my high school history teacher Mr. Tang always  had a way to make his teaching/classabsorbed and  understood. He created many rhymes whichcan becontributedabstracted  fromtohelp usrememberthe tedious historical  events. In this way, those tedious events became easier to be remembered!

　　In addition, there is no  substitute for the network of social relation which provided by famous  teachers. For instance, students need the recommendation letters when they  are ready to enter higher schools or look for jobs. A letter fromfamous  teachers’is  doubtless superior to those from unknown teachers’.

　　Admittedly, improving  facilities also has some advantages, like a bigger library can offer students  more books, a well-equipped computer room enables students to use the  advanced technology for their study, and so forth. Nevertheless, focusing on hiring famous teachers carries more weight to those of  investing facilities.

　　From what has been  discussed above, we could know that famous teachers will not only encourage  students' motivation and instruct students very well, but also provide  students important social networks. Taking account to all these factors, we  could reach the conclusion that school should be focus on hiring famous  teachers than improving facilities.

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　作文中观点（不能）和论述部分十分重要，因此除了观点明确以外，注意在论述的部分一定要有有力地支撑起自己的观点，不要偏离了、更不要表述错误。

　　给出解决方案：

　　关于论点的分析老师整理过的托福历年真题范文里面有对观点的总结和分析，把表格发给你可以针对性的看一下范文，或者总结一下同类话题范文里面的观点。

　　注意：观点和问题一定要能够对应上，基础需要进一步巩固。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于托福考试作文批改的相关内容。更多托福考试参考书推荐、托福考试时间等问题，可以咨询我们。