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雅思作文批改7分:第二段论证不太合理

2018-07-04 18:24 1782165次浏览


  一般雅思评分从以下几个维度进行:是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展(分论点)、语法(词汇、句式、连贯)、论述新颖。

  作文题目:

  Some people think that in  the modern society a person's social skills are more important than his  academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  作文内容:

  In recent years, there is an original  viewpoint claiming academic qualifications are not as important as one's  interpersonal social skills. As far as I can concern, these two factors are  equally essential if one wants to succeed.

  Normal[A1]employees have few chances to get promotion or high  salaries if they lack the skill of interpersonal communication.Being filled  with hundreds of thousands of professionals and talents , the society cannot  pay attention to a normal worker who never shows off his strengths.[A2]Moreover, if one is good at socializing and making  friends with various walks of life, it is beneficial for him to become  knowledgeable and absorb the original ideas. Another merit of fostering  social skills is that one can get help whenever he needs. The best example of  this is China where there isan appearance of[A3]" drinking sociality". Most of Chineseman [A4]and even some women would go for a drink with others in  order to expand the social circle. Knowing more people means having privilege  in some cases.

  Alth[A5]ough social skills are quite vital, it is also  imperative to enhance academic qualifications since they're the basic  foundation for further promotion. Additionally, everyone is supposed to have  the expertise in one specialty. Otherwise it is difficult to make some  contributions to the society. More than that, when there is a job interview,  most companies would like to take academic qualifications as an indispensable  factor. That's why Chinese students try their best to get good marks on the  college entrance examination and tend to pursue further education after  graduating from college.

  Overall, these two factors have their own  merits. It's advisable for people to attach importance to both two of them.

  [A1]无连词,To begin with,

  [A2]这句和interpersonal communication有什么关系?

  [A3]a phenomenon called

  [A4]men

  [A5]这段建议放在社交技能前面

  针对问题最大的一点指出问题:

  这篇写得不错,所以纠正的地方不是很多,评语比较少。需要说的只有一点,相对来说第二段中第一个论证不太合理,建议三段放在二段前去说会更好。

微信图片_20180704182007.jpg

  以上就是小编为大家带来的雅思作文批改范文。更多雅思口语技巧、雅思参考书推荐等问题,可以咨询我们。

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