雅思作文批改6.5分：整体思路很清晰，语法细节需注意下

　　一般雅思评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。

　　作文题目：

　　The increase in food  production owes much to fertilizers and machinery, but some people think that  it has a negative impact on human health and community. To what extend you  agree or disagree?

　　作文内容：

　　The public has been  concerned about food safety for a long time. It is suggested that the  increasing use of fertilizers and machinery influences people’s health and  community. My view is that although overusing fertilizers result in some  problem, if the fertilizers and machinery are utilized in a proper way, they  can benefit not only individuals but also the society.

　　Fertilizers used without  standard are detrimental to people’s health. Somefarmer[A1] use a large number of chemical fertilizers at low cost  to obtain yield of crop as much as possible, and they are beneficial from  that. However, when peopleeating[A2]those food with enormous fertilizers, those chemicals  may have a harmful effect on their bodies, even leading to food poisoning.

　　But it is fair to say that  the application of appropriate volume of fertilizers benefits the growth of  plants. Fertilizers help to serve the nutrition of plants’ need, so the  plants can grow up faster and healthier, and the yield would increase  correspondingly. Hence, not only farmer can profit but also the social demand  for provision can be satisfied and have little detrimental influence.

　　Furthermore, the advent of  machinery is more productive. Without machinery, farm or food factory owners  have to hire some workers to do really hard work. After the use of machinery,  those workers are available on other more meaningful jobs. Besides, through  machinery the efficiency ofproduce [A3]is improved.

　　In conclusion, provided  that fertilizers using is regulated, it canhelps[A4] the increase of yield and control the risk. In  addition, the machinery guarantees the efficient manufacture  and prevents waste of labor resources.

　　【A1】farmers

　　【A2】eat

　　【A3】Produce-production

　　【A4】Help-contribute to

　　针对问题最大的一点指出问题：

　　文章整体的思路很清晰，符合雅思大作文的要求，而且主体段论点和论据逻辑严谨。词汇能够体现同义变化，这一点说明学生词汇量很丰富，只是在一些语法细节上需要注意。

　　附批改原图：

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