雅思作文批改5分：论述逻辑联系不够紧密

　　写作能力的提升一定离不开大量的阅读和写作练习。阅读与写作练习是输入与输出的关系，阅读中获取的词汇量理解得会更透彻，积极主动的输出，相信大家的雅思写作能力会有质的提升。今天课窝网将继续分享优秀的作文范文。

　　作文题目：

　　Some people say that children should  obey the rules of their parents and teachers, while other people think  children will not be well-prepared for their adult life if they are given too  much control. Discuss in both sides and give your opinion.

　　作文内容：

　　People  have different views about whether children should be under the control and  supervision of their parents or teachers. In my perspective, although too  much censorship may render children lack of basic social skills for future  life, I believe that appropriate control should be carried out to them.

　　There  are several reasons why it could be argued that too many rules tend to be  detrimental to children’s adult life. Firstly, children will be cowardly and lacking[b1]  courage when they are young because  of the harsh punishment after making mistakes[b2].  Furthermore, they even lose their creativity afterward as a consequence. Secondly, it  is parents’ and teachers’ responsibilities to impart children with the  fundamental knowledge, skills and values, but not impose their own individual  will on children. Even a child is an independent person, and no one have a  right to decide for him or her, including parents. They should guide their  kids on the basis of the personality traits and strong/weak points.[b3]  Finally, when youngsters enter adolescence, the new problem will raise up[b4]-  adolescent psychological inversion. Strict rules can bring about desperation  and even hatred in this way.

　　Despite  the above arguments, I agree that it is not a bad idea to make rules for the  family and school, and let all members follow them, not only the young.  Enlightenment education is quite pivotal to promote children’s health growth.  Strict regulations will foster the intractability and enable kids to  distinguish the good from the evil, through which[b5]  ensuring them on the right track in terms of moral development. To be more  seriously, it can also avoid running counter to the laws. On top of that, if  parents and teachers simply let it be without any interference, children  would feel a strong sense of loss and even be appreciated[b6],  which in turn could result in juvenile delinquency. So maybe it is a better  way to let adults lay down the regulations, enforce them and encourage and  support all members. More importantly, adults are supposed to help children  understand the rules, or better yet, join in making the rules.

　　In conclusion, it seems to me that families and schools should have reasonable rules to standard behaviors, but do not control the young or even hope to model an imaginary child.

　　[b1]直接用lack，与will一起表示将来时

　　[b2]这里给出的理由不是很合理，孩子因为犯错受到惩罚并不能说明以后会胆小

　　[b3]这里并没有指出家长管教对孩子的不利之处，可以论述“使孩子丧失自己的个性”。

　　[b4]raise up是举起，抬起的意思，这里用come into being

　　[b5]去掉through which，这里不符合定语从句结构

　　[b6]这里应该用一个贬义词

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　其中最大的问题就是在论述的过程中，前后逻辑联系不是十分紧密。在以后写作的时候要仔细思考，注意前后的逻辑。

　　给出解决方案：

　　小师弟将此题对应的一些范文放在邮箱的表格里面了。雅思历年真题中考过类似的文章，教育类考题的一般方向有：

　　1.教育应该包括哪些内容？

　　母题：It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to the development of individuals and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfil both these functions? (050312)

　　提示：本题围绕教育的两大功能来展开（个人与社会），准备好这篇文章，即可应付教育类话题中的最大分支—教育的功能，做到以不变应万变。对于社会角度，可以从促进经济发展、增加社会流动性(social mobility)、维护社会稳定这几个方面来展开，对于个人，可以写改变思维模式、有利于就业和便利生活来写。

　　子题：大学应当教授理论知识还是实践技能？大学的是应当把学生培养成合格的公民还是让他们自己得益？准备未来职业最好的方法是上大学还是尽快离校积累工作经验？大学要不要扩招？中学阶段应当提供通才教育还是专才教育？要不要延长义务教育年限？要不要让农村地区的学生更容易上学？老师要教学生如何判断是非吗？

　　2.学校的科目谁来选择？

　　母题：Some people think that the government should decide which subjects students should study at the university, while others think that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer. Discuss the two views and give your opinion. (060916)

　　提示：这类题目采取的策略就是“双批判”，因为题目中提供的两种选择往往都是错误的。

　　子题1：政府选课or老师选课？学生选择所有的科目or根据兴趣自行选择？

　　子题2：只有学术科目重要，体育和音乐这样的课不重要，你同意吗？要不要学国际新闻？要不要学历史？要不要中学阶段就学习外语？要不要学数学哲学这类的科目？

　　提示：子题2与母题联系不大，需要准备这些科目各自的优点。

　　3.什么样的教学方式最好？

　　母题：Many people use distance-learning programmes (study material post, TV, Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much as attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (041113, 081023, 100515)

　　提示：远程教育最大的好处，就在于三个any：anybody, anywhere, any time.缺点是缺乏师生之间以及学生之间的interaction,缺乏教师的moral guidance,因为没有体育课且久坐电脑前，会引发健康问题。

　　子题：私立学校好不好？留学好不好？要不要分快慢班？小组学习还是单独学习好？

　　4.谁来为学费买单？

　　母题：Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (100731)

　　提示：这些话题都有一个共同的特征：高等教育只对学生自己有好处，因此学生应当自行为高等教育买单。这类题目的写法非常有规律，先驳斥这种理由，再交代学生自己支付学费的后果就可以了。

　　子题：政府要为学生买单吗？（缺点是给政府带来经济负担，这类话题写法和其它政府类话题一样）

　　5.孩子们要不要参加社会实践？

　　母题：Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? (030308, 050514, 090926)

　　提示：gap year好处就是各种能力的锻炼，缺点就是容易受到社会恶习的影响，误入歧途。

　　子题：要不要参加无偿社会劳动？要不要毕业去农村锻炼？要不要从小远离父母居住？

　　6.家庭教育

　　母题：Some people say that children should obey the rules of their parents and teachers, while other people think children will not be well-prepared for their adult life if they are given too much control. Discuss in both sides and give your opinion. (041120, 100520)

　　提示：写一下各自的好处就可以了，最后的结论是早年的时候要教授他们明辨是非，对于做错的事情要惩罚，但是也要适可而止让其兴趣爱好得到自由发展。

　　子题：穷人家的孩子是否早当家？家长是否应该为五岁小孩的犯罪负责？要不要把小孩趁早送到学校去？老师对儿童的智力和社会发展所起的作用大于家长吗？同龄人压力(peer pressure)的利弊？

　　以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于雅思作文范文解析。更多雅思查询、雅思与托福有何区别等问题，可以咨询我们。