雅思作文批改6.5分：广告对我们生活的影响

　　备考中多看一些雅思写作范文，必要时可以背诵其中几篇，积累常规的写作模板，词汇量和写作句型句式是该部分取得高分的必要因素。备考过程中发现自己的长短处，针对性攻克，高分就不远啦。

　　作文题目:

　　We are surrounded by all  kinds of advertising and this is increasingly influencing our life.Do the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?

　　作文内容：

　　In today’s consumer  oriented market,the competition between companies are increasingly fierce  which breed the overwhelming amount of advertisements in people’s daily  lives.From my perspective,the disadvantages overtake the advantages.

　　There is no doubt that  advertisements can make people’s buying process easier[A1].Since advertisements are everywhere such as  commercials during[A2]the breaks,streets or even subways,individuals can get  the information about a certain product without any difficulty,which  means,consumer can save a large amount of time because they do not need to go  to a real store to know about the products.Moreover,as the price is published  in advertising,people would not be over charged.Thus,advertisements are  beneficial to buyersproduct choosing and  buying in certain aspects.[A3]

　　However,an inappropriate large range of [A4]advertisements can result in the troublesome feelings  of consumers.Advertising’s main purpose is to persuade people to buy as much  as possible because companies strive for profits.Therefore most of the  advertisements focus only on the bright  side of the products without showing the dark sidewhich may result in [A5]misunderstanding of the  products.Furthermore,consumers may be fed up with over whelming amount of  advertisements.For instance,if someone is watching TV and commercials are  frequently depicted,he will probably be mad due to the unsatisfied TV  experience.As the object of most companies is to chase maximum profit,the  advertisements can actually annoy and mislead individuals.

　　To conclude,although  advertisingcan[A6]help to make buying easier by saving timeand  publishing the price,it can lead to  misunderstanding and confused feelings of people.Hence,the authorities should  enhance laws to regulate the system of advertisements.

　　[A1]此处make it easier to do更简练

　　[A2]该词用于某段时间，此处不合适

　　[A3]这句话放着是不是多余

　　[A4]Excessive就可以搞定了，太罗嗦

　　[A5]不符合表达习惯，这里其实就是产品的优劣势，disadvantages ， advantages

　　[A6]这里的can最好用could或者might，表示个人推测

　　各项细评：

　　针对问题最大的一点指出问题：

　　文章整体的完成情况很好，在任务完成、结构上比较突出。论点和论证上面都比较清晰，有逻辑性，可以提升的点在语法和句式、词汇的运用上，锤炼一下句式，替换用一些高级词汇分效果会更好。

　　词汇有待扩充，句型可以更多样化，建议多多学习雅思词汇极其用法，还有多阅读英文原版文章，提炼语句。

　　附批改原图：

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