雅思作文批改5.5-6分：最好多使用高级句型

　　词汇及阅读素材的积累有利于写作的后期提升。今天，课窝网继续为大家分享雅思小作文批改，大家可以自行检测哦。

　　作文题目：

　　Task1 小作文

　　The charts below show the  percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

　　Summarise the information  by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where  relevant.

　　作文内容：

　　The pie charts show the  differentpurposes  [z1]ofwaterusage[z2] in sixareas [z3]of the world.

　　In North America and Europe,  the industrial use of the water has biggest proportion in the whole water  usage, occupy 48% and 53% respectively. Their agricultural use of the water  are less than industrial use, occupy 39% and 32% respectively.And domestic  use is least. They are 13% in North America and 15% in Europe.[z4]

　　In other four areas, things  are different. Agricultural use has biggest proportion. They are 71% in South  America, 84% in Africa, 88% in Central Asia and 81% in South East Asia.  However, the industrial use and domestic use are far less than agricultural  use.As  for industrial use, they are 10% in South America, 7% in Africa, 5% in  Central Asia and 12% in South East Asia. About domestic use, they are 19% in  South America, 9% in Africa, 7% in Central Asia and 7% in South East Asia.[z5]

　　Overall, in the areas with  many developed countriessuch as[z6] North America and Europe, industrial use has the  biggest proportion. In the areas with a lot of developing countries,such as [z7]South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East  Asia, agricultural use occupies the main part of water usage.

　　[z1]改成proportion

　　[z2]three kinds of water usages

　　[z3]同义替换成parts更好，小作文第一段要进行题目改写

　　[z4]可以写成从句：Domestic use is least, with 13% in North America and 15% in Europe.

　　[z5]图中South America, Africa, Central Asia这三个国家有共同点，South East Asia是另一种，在这句话中可以分情况概括

　　[z6]用such as 表明除了这两个国家还有别的国家，这样属于推断，不严谨。小作文只描述不推断

　　[z7]同上

　　各项细评：

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　多看剑桥真题后的考官范文，学习并使用高级句型。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于雅思小作文批改范文。更多雅思词汇量、雅思阅读技巧等问题，可以咨询我们。