雅思作文批改5.5分：不能一味陈述，要学会比较和总结

　　雅思作文要想获得高分其逻辑结构很重要，所以在练习写作后的修改，自我批评就十分重要了。如果缺乏一针见血的批改，就只能无限次循环那些无意识的错误，哪怕练习地次数再多，也只是让自己更熟练地犯错而已。下面课窝网继续分享一篇雅思作文批改范文，大家可以参考，自行检测哦。

　　作文题目：

　　作文内容：

　　The graph gives the  information about the size of the Ozone layer hole in Antarctic between 1980  and 2000 and three productions of damaged gases during the same period.

　　At the beginning, the  size of Antarctic Ozone layer hole was around 40in 1980and this figure did  not change(level off/keep constant)during the next 2 years until 1982,since  then. However, the size of Antarctic Ozone layer hole had saw(不能用过去完成时，时态错误) has seena dramaticallydramatic adj+nincrease over 去掉during the decade year after 1982.This figure  was around 200 in 1992.After a radicallyradicalincrease, there was a  dramaticdramatic 使用重复considerabledecline between 1992 and 1994(150  in 1994). In the last 6 years, this figure rose exponentially from 150 and  got its peak at 250.描述段落中 重复句式过多，主语多为figure

　　The production of H2  held steady at 0 during the first 10 years and rose steadily from 0 to 75  between 1990 and 2000. The figure of the production of H211 showed a  significant increase, despite fluctuation (90 in 1980 and 150 in 2000). In the  opposite, the production of H202 showed a different pattern. At the first  five years, this figure was on the rise (150 in 1980 and 200 in 1985). After  1985, this figure hadhad 去掉dropped from 200 to 0 during 15 years.

　　Overall, during the period, the size of Antarctic Ozone layer hole was bigger than before. The H211 and H2 should be responsible for this change.

　　附批改原图：

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