雅思作文要想获得高分其逻辑结构很重要,所以在练习写作后的修改,自我批评就十分重要了。如果缺乏一针见血的批改,就只能无限次循环那些无意识的错误,哪怕练习地次数再多,也只是让自己更熟练地犯错而已。下面课窝网继续分享一篇雅思作文批改范文,大家可以参考,自行检测哦。
作文题目:
作文内容:
The table showsthe consumer from five different nations expenditure of three types[A1]in 2002.
The type of Food /Drinks /Tobacco was the dominant expenditure in all five countries. Among them, 32.14% of Turkey was the biggest one. It was followed by 28.91% of Ireland. Besides, the figures for other three countries, Spain, Italy and Sweden, which were 18.80%, 16.36% and 15.77% respectively, were all under one fifth.
In terms of Clothing /Footwear, we could see that the percentage of Italian spending on it was the highest, with representing 9%. After that, the proportions of Ireland, Spain and Turkey were extremely close (6.43%, 6.51% and 6.63%). Similarly, consumer expenditure of Sweden on this category constituted 5.40%.
Finally, Leisure /Education was invested less then other two kinds, with all the data under 5%.
In conclusion, the Food /Drinks /Tobacco was the biggest cost of all nations, and the Clothing /Footwear ranked second. Leisure /Education was the last.
The consumer expenditure of three types from five different nations,注意from短语的位置
各项细评:
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议:
整篇文章思路清晰,结构简洁,很优秀。但是在字数方面需要注意,全文共156个字,雅思作文最少要求150.可以在leisure/education部分添加具体的一些数值。
附批改原图:
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