雅思作文批改6.5分:结构简洁,很优秀

2018-08-24 17:48 1724941次浏览
分享至:


  雅思作文要想获得高分其逻辑结构很重要,所以在练习写作后的修改,自我批评就十分重要了。如果缺乏一针见血的批改,就只能无限次循环那些无意识的错误,哪怕练习地次数再多,也只是让自己更熟练地犯错而已。下面课窝网继续分享一篇雅思作文批改范文,大家可以参考,自行检测哦。

  作文题目:

image.png

  作文内容:

  The table showsthe  consumer from five different nations expenditure of three types[A1]in 2002.

  The type of Food /Drinks  /Tobacco was the dominant expenditure in all five countries. Among them,  32.14% of Turkey was the biggest one. It was followed by 28.91% of Ireland.  Besides, the figures for other three countries, Spain, Italy and Sweden,  which were 18.80%, 16.36% and 15.77% respectively, were all under one fifth.

  In terms of Clothing  /Footwear, we could see that the percentage of Italian spending on it was the highest, with representing 9%. After that, the proportions  of Ireland, Spain and Turkey were extremely close (6.43%, 6.51% and 6.63%).  Similarly, consumer expenditure of Sweden on this category constituted 5.40%.

  Finally, Leisure /Education  was invested less then other two kinds, with all the data under 5%.

  In conclusion, the Food  /Drinks /Tobacco was the biggest cost of all nations, and the Clothing  /Footwear ranked second. Leisure  /Education was the last.

  The consumer expenditure of three types from five different nations,注意from短语的位置

  各项细评:

微信图片_20180824174826.jpg

  针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议:

  整篇文章思路清晰,结构简洁,很优秀。但是在字数方面需要注意,全文共156个字,雅思作文最少要求150.可以在leisure/education部分添加具体的一些数值。

  附批改原图:

1535104103593524.jpg

  以上就是小编为大家分享的关于雅思作文批改范文介绍。更多雅思考试难度、雅思词汇量要求等问题,可以咨询我们。

a19.png


猜你喜欢

1 / 3
获取专属留学方案
选择教育程度
  • 小学
  • 初中
  • 高中
  • 大学
图片验证码
提交