雅思作文批改5.5-6分：论述还可以再充分点

　　词汇及阅读素材的积累有利于写作的后期提升。今天，课窝网继续为大家分享雅思作文批改，大家可以自行检测哦。

　　作文题目：

　　Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key  to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures  would be more effective in improving road safety.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　作文内容：

　　There are conflicting  opinions about whether strict punishments are effective enough to decrease  accidents on road. In my opinion, both serious punishments andother measures [b1]are necessary to  guarantee drivers ‘ and pedestrians’ safety.

　　Firstly, punishments canremind  drivers to obey the traffic rules for certain[b2].Without those, they may not recognize the  importance of well-behaved driving and the danger of accidents. [b3]However, there are  several ways of punishments, such as different amount of  penalties, reeducation of traffic regulation, confiscation of  driving license and even putting into prison. The police officers ought to  measure drivers’ behavior according to the laws so as to find out the proper  punishment. As a consequence, drivers could be aware of the harm they have  done to the society and maintain carefulness while driving.

　　There is no denying that  merely punishing the drivers after the dangerous manners already have existed  is limited to improve the traffic condition.Before drivers get permission to drive on  the street, they are necessary to gain qualified driving skills,[b4]and that is the duty of  driving schools. Besides, the government needs to pay more attention to the  condition of traffic lights and streets, which may decrease the rate of  accidents.

　　In conclusion,only when  drivers are conscious to follow the traffic rules and the infrastructure  constructions are in good quality as well, the traffic accidents can be  eliminated.[b5]

　　[b1]建议将措施具体化

　　[b2]Remind sb. of sth./remind sb that 从句

　　[b3]建议使用Without引导的虚拟语气，与现在事实相反：without **， would/could/might (not) do 所以：Without those, they would not recognize the importance of well-behaved driving and the danger of accidents.

　　[b4]They代指的是drivers，可以抵消掉，用个非谓语，necessary是必要的意思，主语很少是人。建议改成：Before getting permission to drive on the street, drivers are required to gain qualified driving skills

　　[b5]1.倒装句错误，2.be conscious of短语搭配错误3.eliminate用词不太准确，太绝对。建议改成：only when drivers are conscious of following the traffic rules and the infrastructure constructions are in good quality as well, can the traffic accidents be minimized.

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