PTE大作文话题高分范文修改（二）

　　写PTE作文大家都知道，不管是中文的写作还是英文的写作，看清要求才是你写下去的基础。由于考试紧张，题目没看懂或理解错误，直接使作文丢失大量分。因此，考试期间一定要稳住心态，看清题目再开始答题。

　　写作话题

　　Some people say that the economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger; while some say that economic growth is harmful to the environment, so we must stop it now.

　　Discuss both of the views and give your own opinion.

　　学生写作：

　　Some people think that the only effective way to end global poverty and hunger is developing the world’s economy, but some hold an extreme ideathat we must cease the economic growth because of the environmental degradation it brings.

　　老师修改：

　　Some people think that the only effective way to end global poverty and hunger is developing the world’s economy, but some oppose this idea. Their rebuttal, the opposite and rather extreme idea, is that we must cease the economic growth because of the environmental degradation it brings.

　　首先，原来的一句话拆成了两句话。第一句的 but 后只是说到 some oppose this idea，但是没有说到具体的反对观点是什么。第二句开始，单独一句话说了反对观点是什么。这样的处理方式叫做“缓急”，也就是不着急一句话里塞满了信息（导致一句话的信息量过大，读者读起来感觉费劲），而是在第一句话里或者是让第一句话成为第二句话的“引子”。

　　反对观点放在第二句话里，单独成句后，一上来就有了一个设计语法现象（同位语）的机会。

　　注意词汇：oppose 和 rebuttal（是rebut的名词）

　　写作话题

　　Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

　　学生写作

　　Worsestill, not all the games nowadays is suitable for the young, especially the kids. Children may believe that they could transform to birds after jumping out of the window while teens think that their friends could be received after being shot by bullet, resulting in serious injuries or even fatalities.

　　老师修改：

　　Worsestill, not all the games are suitable for the young, as many of them may fail to distinguish the boundaries between the real and the virtual. Addicted to violentgames online, the teenagers are likely to be aggressive or trifle with life, resulting in unsocialized behavior indaily life.

　　写作鼓励举例论证，但我们看原文的例子：小孩会认为自己从窗户跳出就可以变成飞鸟，青少年会认为他的朋友被枪击之后也没大碍。该例不形成与第一句的细化论证。

　　教师修改版本中，先对首句观点稍作原因解释，使用as所引导的原因状语从句；

　　随后，形容词短语addicted to violent games online前置，修饰主句主语the teenagers，且细化出unsuitable games的一个分支；be aggressive or trifle with life紧贴暴力游戏；resulting in 现在分词短语作结果状语，递进结果。最终形成问题表象 → 导致的结果 → 产生的影响的递进式逻辑。

　　be aggressive有攻击性的

　　trifle with life 轻视生命

　　unsocializedbehavior 未经教化的/不为社会所接受的行为 antisocial behavior 反社会行为

　　以上就是小编为大家整理的关于PTE英语写作高分范文批改，希望对大家有所帮助。更多PTE考试时间、PTE考试词汇量等问题可以咨询我们。